What makes for a good one-on-one meeting?
For some leaders, all it takes is a friction-free session of friendly conversation. For others, it’s about keeping tabs on team members to ensure they remain on track.
Neither approach is innately bad, but they’re not especially compelling on their own either.
Despite their popularity, one-on-one meetings are an often mishandled part of doing business.
To improve the quality of your one-on-one meetings, this guide outlines considerations for three of the most common types, also offering advice around how not to handle them.
Common one-on-one meeting mistakes
Some of the most talented leaders get one-on-one meetings all wrong.
Whether it’s because they have too much on their plates or they’re not sure how to provide value to direct reports, this usually results in lackluster meetings that don’t offer much for either party.
In worst-case scenarios, these one-on-one meetings may even prove more harmful than helpful.
Here are some of the most common one-on-one meeting mistakes to avoid.
Treating one-on-ones them like a freeform jam session
One-on-one meetings don’t necessarily need to follow a strict agenda, but expecting to wing it without any goals in mind will make them significantly less effective.
You can’t just show up and expect team members to do all the heavy lifting. It’s also unrealistic to expect the conversation to flow naturally. If both parties show up unprepared, it’s almost a given that awkward and unproductive conversations will ensue.
Instead, have some great one-on-one meeting questions prepared to help you start the flow.
Dodging or avoiding uncomfortable topics
Did the company recently lay off an entire team on a Friday? Has there been extra pressure on your team to meet end-of-quarter quotas?
You’ll want to use one-on-one meetings to address any recent changes or challenges head-on rather than pretend they don’t exist—or worse, come across indifferent. You can never be sure how members of your team are dealing with certain developments, but you can create the room to discuss them.
Rescheduling or showing up late often
Your team gets it—you’re busy. But when you frequently deprioritize one-on-ones with direct reports, it sends them the unintended message that they’re not a top priority.
It’s also a good sign that your time management skills could use an upgrade. If you’re running from one meeting to the next more often than not, for instance, build a buffer between meetings to give yourself enough time to recover.
Treating them as an opportunity to grab a coffee
There’s nothing wrong with moving meetings outside of the office. A change of scenery can be a refreshing alternative to the familiarity of your favorite conference room.
But scenery can’t make up for substance. You still need to have something meaningful to talk about. When a leader routinely turns one-on-ones into an opportunity to grab lunch or get a coffee, it suggests they don’t take these meetings seriously and view them as a chance to take a break from their “real work.”
Focusing your energy on your laptop or things on your screen
Whether you’re in the office or on a video call, focusing too much on your laptop or other technology sets the stage for impersonal one-on-ones.
This may be unavoidable when reviewing a project-in-process, but more often, it indicates that the manager is either preoccupied with other things or uncomfortable with being present.
In either case, failing to engage with the person across the table (or screen) creates distance between a manager and their direct reports.
Becoming defensive or dismissive when challenged
Having and showing empathy is essential to mutually fulfilling one-on-ones.
The psychological safety needed for people to speak up erodes in seconds when managers become flippant or dismissive when receiving feedback.
If there’s one thing employees should feel comfortable doing during a one-on-one meeting, it’s asking questions or raising concerns. Make sure to maintain an open mind and even temperament, even when feedback catches you off-guard.
How to make one-on-one meetings worthwhile
For leaders, an effective one-on-one meeting serves three purposes:
- Building and strengthening relationships
- Identifying blockers and providing support
- Ongoing realignment around priorities
Making your one-on-ones worth having means keeping each of these goals in mind well before any meetings begin.
Here are some tips for how to approach three common one-on-one meeting types:
Remote one-on-one meetings
Working remotely can make one-on-ones more challenging. Without the in-person element, building rapport and being present usually means being on video.
But as things like Zoom fatigue become more prevalent, the most empathic leaders give their remote reports more flexibility.
Instead of unofficially requiring remote staff to appear on video, consider making it clear that voice or screenshare-only catchups are not only okay, but encouraged.
Many people find it easier to focus on what they’re saying—and not so much on how they look or what’s happening in the background—when they’re not forced to appear on camera.
And according to several experts, meeting without video is likely to produce better discussions.
Here’s a meeting template for your next remote one-on-one:
Goal setting meetings are a great way to lend a personal touch to quarterly planning efforts.
But there’s one thing that limits the potential of this type of one-on-one meeting. Often, new managers and seasoned leaders alike forget that their direct reports don’t work purely for the enjoyment of helping the company meet its goals.
Each member of your team is likely to have professional needs of their own. Good leaders make it comfortable for their direct reports to talk freely about their aspirations. Exceptional leaders find ways to relate individual goals to organizational goals.
In practice, this means working collaboratively to determine how each team member can contribute to the company in ways that advance them professionally.
It may not always be possible, but when a leader knows his or her team members well, it’s much easier to identify these opportunities.
Here’s a meeting template for your next goal-setting one-on-one.
A skip-level meeting pairs non-managers and individual contributors with their manager’s manager.
- A content marketer meeting with the VP of marketing
- An account executive meeting with the VP of sales
- A customer service rep meeting with the VP of customer success
While skip-level meetings should never serve as a replacement for meeting with an immediate supervisor, this one-on-one can significantly benefit each participant by breaking hierarchical siloes.
Managers who manage other managers without skip-level meetings might rely too much on the opinions of their direct reports—or worse, become completely out of touch with what’s happening “on the ground.”
Skip-level meetings enable them to connect directly with these team members to gain a broader perspective of team performance and individual morale.
This benefit works both ways. For the non-manager, a skip-level meeting allows them the opportunity to refine or expand their perspective around daily work activities since their manager’s manager can likely provide more insights about the company’s high-level business goals and strategy.
Unfortunately, skip-level meetings often suffer from a supreme power imbalance. When VPs and other execs treat these meetings too informally, they don’t benefit anyone. Don’t be one of those guys.
Here’s a skip-level one-on-one meeting template by Michael Brown, Regional General Manager at Uber for you to use: